The "Russian Reversal" Joke in Context of Mental Health
In America everyone watches TV. In Soviet Russia, TV watches you. In the U.S., you can always find a party. In Soviet Russia, the party always finds you. These were some of my favorite jokes when I was a kid. For some reason, there’s a kind of magic when a person exercises power over an object, whereas in a different situation that object demonstrates power over that person. Call it “Karma” the “The Golden rule,” or “the law of the harvest” it has long been observed that the actions and words that we release into the world are the same actions and words that shape us.
These dynamics are everywhere. We watch our TV, then it watches our viewing habits to further our interest in watching it. People make our economy work, but in juxtaposition, the economy sends people to work. This reversal can, however, be more personal. We choose our actions, but our actions give us consequences we can’t choose. My friend, who I will call Rachel, encountered this recently. I was at her house watching TV when she turned on a show where one of the main characters had a self-harming habit. I felt uncomfortable and asked if we could watch a different show. She groaned and changed the show, but saved the previous show on her “to watch” list. She argued that what she chose to watch had very little real-world impact on her choices.
Not long afterward, my friend suffered anxiety and depressive episodes. She later admitted to me that she first learned, and explored the idea of cutting when watching that show, and then turned to it in her darkest moments. She choose to watch a show glorifying self-harm, so when she was under duress, she felt compulsion to self-harm. She told me this, as she showed me a poem she had written as part of her therapy course. It read, I laughed at you, now I’ve become you, I guess they say, you are what you eat. My telling of her story is an oversimplification of course. There are always mitigating forces in every situation. However, the point still stands to be made that the safety net of past choices, ideas, and culture, is one we all fall on in rough times.
Mood disorders are the third most common cause of hospitalization in the U.S. for both youth and adults aged 18–44, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness. This is such a widespread problem that statistically all of us will have experience with it through another person, or experience it ourselves. We, as individuals, make choices on how we approach the topic of mental illness. We may not be the producers of a movie glorifying depression, but we may choose to be in the audience. You choose what media and discussions get attention. You choose what phrases and jokes you make, and you choose ultimately daily the way our society approaches this topic. Essentially you choose how you affect the issue of mental illness, and those consequences impact the way the issue of mental illness affects you.
I learned this reversing force very young in my life. My 9th-grade year was my first real experience with the public school system. Scared and anxious to fit in, I quickly adapted my peer’s vernacular. One particular phrase was exceedingly frequent. “I wanna kill myself.”If our coach gave us a hard set, we’d all moan, “I want to kill myself…” If my teacher gave out homework we’d all declare “I want to kill myself.” We wouldn’t just say it either. Sometimes during tests, we’d put a finger gun to our heads and pretend to pull the trigger. Other times we’d pretend to hang ourselves or drag a pencil over our wrists, indicating that we were slitting them.
That year, someone in my 9th-grade class committed suicide. They did so by hanging themselves in the auditorium of my school. He was no longer telling his story, but was now a story told. To this day, I cannot help but wonder if I helped to build a culture around him that romanticized the deep pain he was in. I wonder if by participating in a culture that trivialized suicide, I had trivialized his death. I had chosen my jokes and phrases. I had chosen what culture to feed, and now that culture eats at my conscience.
We cannot escape the responsibility of having our own actions reflected back on us like an exacting mirror. We can’t joke about suicide one minute and then be shocked when a young boy suffering from suicidal feelings feels compelled to act on them because of our isolating sarcasm. We cannot minimize our damage with rationalizations. I never knew him personally, but I most certainly contributed to a culture that made him feel more alone and mocked the seriousness of his situation. This was not okay.
As drastic as these situations are, this reversal is most certainly not a negative force. The exact power of culture in aiding this boy’s isolation, could have possibly helped him feel connected. The same choices my friend made to watch the show, could have been made spending time on other activities that could have helped her cope in a more healthy way.
When one of my own family members was hospitalized for mental health reasons, it threw our family for a loop. My parents were unavailable, and taking care of my 6 younger siblings, while starting school again was immensely difficult. These were some of the darkest days of my life. This new development, and the years of suffering because of this illness in my family, in turn placed a strain on my own mental health. But because I had joked so often about it, I felt like I was not important. If everyone talked about killing themselves, why was I different? I became convinced that my thoughts were normal, and the only difference between me and my friends was the weakness of giving into the perceived bleakness of my life. I had not prepared myself for these times, and so I fell on my safety net of self sabotage and distorted thinking. I had chosen to deprecate the topic of mental illness, so when I was vulnerable, my own mind began to degrade me.
While my world fell apart, I found an example of strength in my mother. My mom had always made service a priority in her life. You could be assured that my mom would fold up chairs, make dinners for others, and volunteer in any capacity she could. She had a consistent compassionate, and respectful response to the issue of mental illness, and those affected by it. Many people relied on her advice and emotional support, and she always gave it selflessly. She helped build a culture of service in our community. She had built her safety net to catch her, and those she cared about. Within hours of this stress falling on my family, anonymous hot pizzas arrived on our doorstep.
Through my mother’s example of service, I tried to rebuild my own mindset. I strived to support my siblings, I listened to them when they were upset, I offered counsel, and did everything I could to protect them. This reversal of my own past personal choices aided me through my most difficult times. Fiber by fiber, rebuilding my safety net.
By choosing to erase the stigma of mental illness in my head, It was easier to erase it in the cultures I lived in. Because mental health has impacted my life so deeply, I have been able to reach out to others with mental health problems, and impact them. When my friend told me she was cutting I didn't make fun of her, or call her selfish, or weak, like our other friends did, I helped her talk to her parents and get into therapy. I try to make everyone feel respected and connected in their struggles rather than marginalized and isolated. Finally, I am participating in the culture of acceptance, awareness, and love that I should have in 9th grade.
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Mental health is a serious topic, with serious implications. It deserves our best efforts. If we strive to create a compassionate and respectful society, we will be able to face the future with less fear. The consequences of our actions will lift, rather than constrain us. You choose how you affect the issue of mental illness, and those consequences impact the way mental illness will affect you. Our mental and social safety nets are things we make every day. We should never wait until we're falling to wonder if they are strong enough to hold us.
Thank you.